Dogbert News Network says people continue to act like idiots. Things don't turn out well.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
Dilbert should format his presentation like a hero's journey, the Boss says. So Dilbert compares the Boss to a pointy-haired monster.
The Boss criticises the behaviour, not the person. Carol sent an email that looks like it was written by a monkey on crack.
Alice brings muffins so she won't need to watch her weight. She'll still look good even if she gains a few pounds.
Asok's new philosophy is live for today. Wally says it's important to plan for tomorrow to avoid starving.
Ted is moved to a new strategic engineering group. Ted believes it's because all the worst employees are being put into one group so the company can later eliminate that group.
An iron sculpture fell on a security guard and the CEO made a bad joke.
The Boss thinks caring for Wally's emotional well being to increase his engagement. So he gives Ratbert to Wally.
Wally carries Ratbert on his shoulder to boost oxytocin levels without a relationship. Ratbert thought they were in love.
Wally carries Ratbert on his shoulder to boost oxytocin levels without the need for human contact. Alice has had chipmunks living in her hair for a long time.
The CEO practices self-deprecating jokes in front of Dilbert. He is glad Dilbert is around to do unimportant tasks.
Dilbert convinces the Boss to fund an idea the Boss had for customer support software, even though it delays other projects.
The Boss wants employees who are motivated by the company vision, not by money. Catbert says they are hard to find.
Dilbert tests a new fuel source for the office robot. It's organic waste and is embarrassing to collect.
The CEO wants to be more visionary than Elon Musk. He wants a spaceship full of robots to colonise other worlds.
Alice can't do budget projections until the Boss tells her what his priorities for the coming year.
The Boss asks Dilbert to get a product patch. Dilbert already has, and has applied it in production.
Wally is mentally weak, has no ambition, but is the happiest person in the room.
The company's product name is an insult in the Elbonian language, so the Boss hires an Elbonian to review some new choices.
Asok greets the Boss joyfully and says his happiness is due to the Boss's motivations.
The Boss tells Wally the key to career success is finding your special gift. Wally's gift is doing nothing but babbling jargon.
A coworker didn't get Dilbert the data he requested because he didn't know how Dilbert wanted it formatted. But he didn't ask.
The CEO tells the engineers to follow their instincts. So Alice slaps him silly.
Alice slapped the CEO senseless after he said to follow her instincts. She was also being passionate, engaged and creative.
The Boss adds Jeff to Alice's project team. She doesn't want him.
The latest management fad is to engage employees and follow from the front. Catbert and the Boss don't understand what that means.
Catbert says only top performers leave for higher pay. Since Dilbert is still here, he must be average at best.
Dilbert's new project is a fleet of small drones for package delivery. The company calls their customers "infidels."
Dilbert tells the CEO their customer for the fleet of drones is an international terrorist. The company will have to cancel the order and take a loss.
Dilbert is being too negative, according to the Boss. Or maybe he's a good communicator surrounded by terrible ideas.
A coworker can't tell if Wally is being passive-aggressive or incompetent. Wally wants to know which means less work for him.