Wally is lazy and undependable so can't get a raise this year.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
The CEO wants to build a hyperloop to connect major cities with fast transportation. He'll leave the details to the engineers.
Wally spent more than half his time in meetings this quarter. It's a waste of time according to the Boss.
Their products are getting worse every day. But good marketing makes up for that, the Boss tells the CEO.
Promote from within, the Boss says. Then fill the empty positions from within.
Alice suggests peer coaching to Dilbert. Dilbert thinks Alice's problems are caused by her being herself.
Wally pretends to be a headhunter to the Boss in order to get a better performance review.
Dilbert asks a salesman for a discount. The salesman wants to hit Dilbert with a chair and then run away.
The Boss asks for solutions, not complaints. Dilbert wants to abolish the layer of management that does nothing but demand solutions.
Dilbert's energy is drained from his body by being too close to someone else.
Even though Dilbert's energy is drained when he's too close to someone, it never happens when Dilbert talks to Wally.
Dilbert shows his latest invention to Dogbert. Dogbert says it's been done before and uses Google search to prove it.
The CEO tries to acknowledge the achievements of his underlings, and starts with the Boss. The Boss has trouble coming up with one.
Dilbert can't find something to invent that doesn't already exist. His Mom thinks it's because everyone is connected by morphic fields.
It used to be accepted that people became experts after 10,000 hours of practice. But Wally will be good after a million hours.
Dogbert advises the CEO he can't focus on both career and family. He must choose one.
The Boss criticises Dilbert for not doing has he was told. Dilbert responds by saying the Boss is under-informed and less clever.
Alice is working on a new facial expression to scare away the weak. She tries it out on Dilbert although he didn't want to see it.
Dilbert's project is taking longer than the Boss expects. Dilbert says it's only taking longer than dumb people expect.
Dilbert meets a social media consultant, and says he likes her. She says a single like is an insult so Dilbert brings in an Elbonian to artificially increase her like count.
Two trolls create the company's annual budget.
Catbert announces unlimited vacation days. However, taking any time off will torpedo careers.
Wally tells the Boss he will be taking advantage of the unlimited vacation policy. He'll be gone for 200 days in the next year. But his productivity will double.
The robot announces he is here to take the engineers' jobs. Not really, though. He won't have that capability for 2 or 3 years.
The robot's chair is squeaky and asks Alice to help fix that. She scares him.
Alice says someday humans will have the know-how to create entire universes. The Boss wonders where they'll put them.
The Boss recognises Ted for writing his part of the code in only 2 days. It was hard to do and should have taken a week.
Employees will work harder if their managers care about them. But the Boss doesn't care about Wally.
The Boss says he must set clear expectations and revise them periodically. The engineers say the Boss understands the initial expectations to be faulty.
A desiccated crone teaches etiquette to the engineers. She starts with how to eat.
Note: An alternative third panel containing offensive language is available on the Dilbert Blog.
A desiccated crone continues with dining etiquette. The napkin goes in the lap. Dilbert uses his as a handkerchief.