An employee survey says 98% of staff had no confidence in management, so management makes sure they'll never get a low score again.
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The Boss hasn't responded to Dilbert's email, text message, voice mail or note.
As the workspace downsized, engineer's productivity went down. So management will try more of the same.
The conference call went better than Dilbert expected. Setting up collaboration tools, a disagreement over goals, and bad acoustics were just minor problems.
The Boss asks the engineers not to ask any questions during the CEO's visit. And don't stare at him, either.
Wally is not married but his wifi meets all his social and intellectual needs.
Wally says his mother put a warm thermos of coffee in his crib then went out for the day.
The Boss says the CEO has a vague new strategy and says the engineers won't care about it.
Instead of firing Ted, the Boss sends him to the banishment room, following the Japanese practice of hoping Ted will be so bored he will quit.
An aggressive recruiter is looking for passive job seekers, so talks with Wally. Wally falls asleep in front of him.
Dilbert asks the Boss to approve a software purchase. The Boss asks for a legal review first. The lawyer wants to know if it's an open source license.
Two job recruiters fight over Wally. One ties Wally to his chair until he wakes up.
The government wants access to the company's records to look for terrorists. The Boss gives them everything.
The government wants to look at the Boss's colonoscopy to check for terrorists. That feels like a violation of privacy.
Dilbert wears a biosensor so the company can monitor his health.
Wally gets booted off the executive fast track. He failed their sociopath module.
The Boss considers Carol to be family. She is offended by who she is lumped in with.
Phil reviews Wally's accomplishments for the quarter. Phil says they really don't mean anything as Wally is just in the right place at the right time.
Dilbert asks Dogbert to motivate him for the day. Dogbert says it's a cold, uncaring universe.
Dilbert asks the Boss to increase Dilbert's motivation. Even an insincere attaboy would be good.
Wally practices his urgent-looking walk. This is to appear like he's working on important stuff and can't waste five seconds.
Wally is nominated for an Academy Award for portraying an employee who does actual work.
Wally dresses for the job he wants, not the job he has. The Boss is offended Wally is naked.
Mordac is de-motivated when he learns his job will be outsourced or distributed among different organisations.
Wally presents a disaster-preparedness plan with plans for famine, alien invasion, and Earth colliding with an asteroid. The Boss is not impressed.
The new guy calls in sick on his first day because he has trouble getting dressed.
The Boss has a black eye because he accidentally punches himself while pulling up his blanket in bed.
The Boss doesn't want to give his opinion so as not not influence Dilbert's recommendation. Dilbert says he's not influenced by the Boss anyway.
A robot delivers coffee to Wally and describes how it killed a man who tried to take the last cup.
The robot complains to the Boss about his trivial assignments.
The Boss needs a budget estimate for the project. Dilbert shouts numbers until the Boss thinks one sounds reasonable.