Dilbert is filled with optimism about the new year. Then he gets a message that the network is down because the Boss wouldn't let him upgrade the software and Dilbert needs to work all night to fix it.
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Catbert tells the Boss a good leader puts the team ahead of his own ego. The Boss asks if great leaders do the opposite.
The Boss wants to add more start-up culture to drive innovation. Dilbert asks if this will include casual dress, flex hours and company equity.
Dogbert gets a job as a news manufacturer. He quotes out of context, creates misleading headlines and adds some snark.
The Boss asks Dilbert to help prepare him for a meeting. Dilbert is to write up some answers to some questions that could not be anticipated.
Dilbert has trouble getting one of his team members to do work so he turns to the Boss for help. The Boss doesn't want to get involved.
Wally reports he's been testing a source of energy that can power organic devices. It's made from seeds and water and it's called coffee.
A coworker asks if Dilbert finished the design and Dilbert confirms it. Then he asks if it's ok to add new features without changing the deadline.
The Boss asks Dilbert if they have any actionable analytics from the big data in the cloud. Dilbert's productivity drops when the Boss learns new jargon.
Dogbert reports research shows the company's best customers are creepy bearded guys who also buy potato chips and tissues.
Catbert tells the Boss employees prefer having a good boss over getting a raise. So the Boss must pretend to be less dysfunctional.
The Boss tells Dilbert seven engineers were laid off. Dilbert is to pick up their functions. Dilbert says he's now guaranteed failure and no longer needs to try to succeed.
Carol walks the Boss through booking a flight. He takes all the extra options. It takes an hour to book the flight.
The Boss asks Carol to start a Twitter account under his name and send out witty tweets. She takes it as an opportunity to destroy his career and reputation.
The Boss complains to Carol her tweets aren't inspirational enough. The tweets are bad jokes, rants and links to terrorist websites.
The Boss tells the engineers not to fear change. Dilbert responds that change usually increases a person's chance of illness and death.
Dilbert meets Allen from Sales. Allen's handshake is like a wet sock full of macaroni and cheese.
The Boss tells Dilbert 74% of managers think they are above average. That means 36% of managers aren't aware they are above average.
Alice complains to the Boss about her workload. He assigns her two more tasks due tomorrow.
Dilbert can't see or hear the person at the other end of a video call, and communicates nothing.
The CEO asks Dilbert to put his name above Dilbert's on all patent applications.
The Boss decides to be Asok's mentor. Asok cries ugly.
The CEO announces their next product, a tablet computer the size of a dime that attaches to a person's eyeballs.
A salesman convinces Dilbert to purchase a product, but then discovers they're out of stock.
Dilbert gets three more engineers for his project but they're all not available.
Wally recycled the old software and donated all the zeros and ones to math programs in poor towns.
Wally tells the Boss he decided to push back his deliverable date by a year. Wally says he can do that because he's empowered.
Dilbert asks a software developer if he made the suggested changes. The developer responded that he did not because he reflexively disagrees with every suggestion from anybody.
Dilbert asks the Boss where can he get a sense of meaning for his job, because he really wants it.
The CEO asks if people are wondering why he called the meeting. Dilbert suspects psychopathy given the attendance of a CEO, a company lawyer and two salespeople.
The CEO explains to the engineers how easy it is to track customer preferences, and then to manipulate them.