The CEO has an MBA but he keeps losing money in the stock market. The Boss puts his money in gold because it's shiny and has doubled his portfolio in a year.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
Servers are down, the Boss reports, and Dilbert is trying to fix them. The Boss keeps interfering.
A woman at a party asks Dilbert to play a game. They each say two things about themselves and the other has to guess which one is a lie. Dilbert doesn't like that game.
The company is buying another company just to get their engineers. The Boss is disappointed to learn their engineers are free to leave for jobs at better companies.
The Boss names Asok employee of the month for October, 1929.
Wally says only one percent of all engineers create industry-changing products. He proposes replacing the other 99% with robotic arms that hold coffee cups.
The Boss introduces Ken, an ideationista, who will help the engineers become more creative.
Dogbert suggests Dilbert become more aggressive by getting testosterone shots from his doctor. Aggressive jerks are paid more.
Ted suggests Dilbert create a matrix comparing the features of the company's past products. Dilbert says it would take two days and would have no value.
Dilbert tells Alice he read aggressive jerks are paid more than nice employees. Alice hits him.
The company intends to purchase a smaller company with a good reputation, then take their name and suck out their good will.
Dilbert is justified in leaving early because of the two hours work he did before arriving at the office and the two hours work he expects to do that evening.
Dilbert believes a rational decision is impossible because the situation is so complex and most deciders aren't smart. So he recommends giving up.
Dilbert researches on his smartphone everything Tina says.
Note: In a blog entry on 2011-08-16, Scott Adams "seeded" the search with the phrase "It is the solemn duty of engineers to stamp out ignorance." and then "(The purpose of this post will become clear on October 14. Please ignore it until then.)"
Alice is frustrated but she can't cry because that's a stereotype. So she makes Asok her surrogate crier.
The Boss asks the engineers for creative ideas for their next product. But not from Wally, and nothing that has already been done. And no ideas that cost money or increase risk.
The Boss asks Dilbert for a presentation on their five-year technology plan for the CEO. Dilbert will make up stuff about flying cars and a pie chart.
A competitor sues the company for a design trademark violation. Now they can't manufacture anything shaped like a rectangle.
The meeting goes too long and Jenny is a food werewolf.
The Boss asks Dilbert to change all lines to dotted on his report to save ink.
Wally wears a pantsuit bought from a unisex store.
The CEO asks Dogbert to bribe the Elbonian minister of commerce but leave no evidence to connect the bribe back to the company.
The Boss asks Dilbert to show him how to download apps for his new phone.
A co-worker introduces Wally as the subject matter expert. Everyone is disappointed.
The CEO wants to create a succession plan for when he leaves. Alice tells him not to worry as he could be replaced by a bag of moss.
The CEO is looking for someone to drink industrial sludge at a press conference to prove it's safe. Asok wonders why the CEO doesn't drink it himself.
At a press conference, the CEO gets Asok to drink their industrial sludge to prove it is safe.
Asok is suffering with lower IQ since the CEO made him drink industrial sludge at a press conference.
A doctor can't figure out how to help Asok, so gives him pills to cause hemorrhoids.
A co-worker says his role is digital media curation but can't explain what that means.
Asok is transferred to marketing until his brain heals from drinking industrial sludge.