Dilbert criticises his date's beliefs in feng shui, homoeopathy and horoscopes.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
Dilbert presents some product names that are still available. No one likes them so he says the only ones left are names of accused war criminals and nicknames for masturbation.
Wally asks if core systems are more important than key processes. The Boss can't answer so Wally continues to act randomly.
At Dogbert's school of time management, students learn good time management is the same as bad manners.
The Boss sets Dilbert's goal to win 30% more bids. Dilbert says there's no problem as he'll use magic to accomplish it.
Tina collects money for Ted's birthday but Alice doesn't want to donate because she hates him.
The engineers deduce the Boss's strategy. He gets paid for doing little more than giving stupid labels to things.
Carol asks Dilbert to have birthday cake in the break room but Dilbert doesn't want cake with spit from recent candle-blowing.
Wally maps applications to domains, and defined interfaces between applications and the software interfaces.
The Boss announces employee satisfaction has doubled since last year. Credit goes to the policy of firing smart people.
A co-worker asks Wally to do something, but he says he's busy doing important things for other people.
Wally shows a co-worker how to jack into matrix management. Using an iPod and PowerPoint.
Dogbert explains a leader becomes good by encouraging internal critics to explore all sides of an issue. Dilbert rebuts a poor leader can't select critics either.
Dilbert wants his phone upgraded so prepares to spend the afternoon at a store to do it.
Dilbert demonstrates his Dogbert App and kills a co-worker.
Wally makes a deal with Carol. She reserves all boardrooms in his name for a year. Then he doesn't have to go to meetings and she doesn't have to book any meetings.
Carol tells Wally she loves him and will stalk him, all for helping her avoid work.
Tina asks a psychologist whether she is crazy for buying so many phone apps she doesn't need.
Dogbert helps design an extended warranty plan, one that doesn't cover anything.
The Boss says decision making is a process. Dilbert questions why can't computers do it then. The Boss says it's a gut feeling.
Dilbert asks a co-worker for something to be done by tomorrow, then panics when he says he can do it.
Dilbert's date says she likes a man to cook for her. Dilbert wonders whether she likes affection or just free catering.
Wally mis-hears "review the client's specs" as "preview the lion's pecs".
Dilbert praises Wally for his plan to mis-hear what people ask him, thereby avoiding work.
After a presentation, Dilbert's audience falls into a Powerpoint coma. So he puts them into funny poses and leaves.
The Boss asks for failure estimates for the next gen product. Dilbert asks if it's OK to provide numbers based on hallucinations.
Tina asks Dilbert for help with her computer. Dilbert says he's doomed whether he helps or not.
Dilbert says his estimates are based on input from people who just wanted to be left alone, so he doesn't want to stand by the numbers.
Dilbert puts his faith into a slug, who must do his work in a timely manner in order for Dilbert to succeed.
Dilbert reports their product placed last in the benchmark tests. The Boss crumples the report and throws it at Dilbert.