Alice tells the Boss their new product is the worst on the market, according to the benchmarks. He asks her to re-test.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
A new employee comes from a place with colourful folk sayings.
The Boss tries to get a straight answer out of the employee with lots of colourful sayings.
Asok can't decide about the employee with colourful sayings.
The Boss calls Dogbert's tech support. Dogbert advises slamming his hand in a drawer.
The Boss awards Ted a t-shirt for his work on the alpha project, then fires him. The t-shirt says "idiot."
The Boss asks Catbert how to assign blame for the failure of project alpha. Catbert suggests using the plunger of blame.
A reported for a business magazine interviews the Boss. He dispenses squirrel-related wisdom.
Dilbert asks why he received the plunger of blame. The Boss answers "because I can."
Dilbert asks the Garbageman how to get rid of the plunger of blame.
Dogbert says readers have asked for the return of Loud Howard. Dogbert says that makes no sense.
The Boss tells Loud Howard about an upcoming re-org and wants it kept a secret.
Loud Howard spreads the secret of the upcoming re-org.
Mindy demands Dilbert drops everything to make a change or else she'll spread a nasty rumour about him.
Dilbert complains attractive people are on his project. Attractive people are unproductive.
Dilbert tells the Boss he stayed up all night to work on Mindy's software because she threatened him.
Dilbert says his life consists of moving things from one place to another. He seeks a deeper meaning.
Wally says sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
Dilbert reports he finished all his projects in one day, reconfigured the network, wrote white papers and applied for patents.
Because of the caffeine, Dilbert can predict the future.
Because of the coffee, Dilbert can levitate objects with his mind.
Catbert gets the new employee mainstreamed using their employee onboarding process.
Dilbert asks a doctor if he's drinking too much coffee.
The Boss asks Dilbert to cut down of coffee. Dilbert goes Darth Vader on him.
The Boss gives Alice a 3% raise because she did the work of three people.
Ratbert worries all his wisdom comes from bad analogies.
Ratbert wants to debate with people on the Internet, but may not be smart enough. So he just reads what smart people are saying.
Ratbert debates people on the Internet by always saying the same thing. He wins every argument.
The Boss goes to Dogbert's Motivational Speakers Bureau to hire a cheap speaker.
Carol complains Wally's popcorn makes it impossible to work. Wally says it's either his odour or the popcorn.
Another day of useless work and no accomplishment, but Dilbert says his personal life is meaningful.