The Boss asks Wally if he is accepting bribes and helping coworkers. Wally says he's not helping coworkers.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
Ted asks the boss for investment advice. The Boss says to buy penny stocks because they only cost a penny.
The Boss says they need to cut costs. Dilbert recommends eliminating Ted's job.
Dogbert is creating a reality show about people locked in with only one outlet and they must compete to charge their phones.
The Boss ranks everyone based on how many mistakes they make. Wally comes first even though he does no work.
The Boss has to rank his employees and fire whoever is lowest. He puts Tina at the bottom because he can't afford to lose any engineers.
The CEO asks the Boss to fire the 10% bottom-ranked employees. The Boss asks if that would just put other people in the bottom 10%.
The Boss tells Dilbert he's fired because he needs to fore the bottom ranked people. Dilbert was near the top before the Boss fired everyone below him.
Everyone but Ted shows up for a project meeting. If they proceed without him they will be under-informed. If they reschedule they will miss project deadlines.
The CEO announces the company is acquiring the Gawful media company, a company so bad it has a crime bill named after it.
The CEO says he talked the board into buying a tainted company. Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks and then it gets worse.
The company's new acquisition is making them look so bad, people on the Internet are demanding the CEO drink poison then apologises while he dies.
The Boss calls Alice his work wife. Alice is creeped out by that.
Since Alice doesn't want to be the Boss's work wife, he asks Tina. Tina wants to insult the Boss in front of others.
The CEO said sales is at fault for low revenue. The CIA blames marketing? Marketing blames engineering.
The Boss asks about Dilbert's employee engagement. Dilbert will say he's happy as long as the Boss pretends to believe him.
The web developer quit a week before completion so the Boss hires a new one. The Boss still expects the project to finish on time.
The new web developer says the project will finish on time as long as there are no changes.
The Boss can't manage the Web developer. Does it really take nine months to change the font on the home page?
The Boss in unsure how to interpret software writing estimates. Dilbert suggests taking the longest one and multiplying by three, based on his experience.
Dilbert can't penetrate Alice's phone induced zombie state so he sends her a text.
The Boss may have sent a URL to Dilbert but can't remember which email or text or whatsapp.
Ted sent some questions to Dilbert that were in a disorganised mess. Dilbert didn't respond.
The Boss wants Dilbert to go to a training class right now. Dilbert asks if it's safe to miss the assignment's deadlines.
Dilbert was in a traffic accident because he stayed up all night to finish the project so he could attend the safety training.
The engineers blame customers for not telling them what they want. Marketing blames engineering for making the wrong products.
Alice always accepts more work while Wally accepts none. Wally is happier.
Dilbert's date compares him to an Uber driver. If only he would talk less, he'd be perfect.
Dilbert realises he's in the wrong meeting and tries to sneak out by sinking below the table.
The Boss asks for the worst case scenario. Dilbert says enemy agents could take over the server and install a virus that jumps to people and wipes out the human race.
The Boss says he will approve Dilbert's proposal if Dilbert gets buy in from the rest of the department. Dilbert wonders what value the Boss is adding?