Dilbert thanks his meeting attendees for playing with their phones and not listening to what he said.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
The Boss tries the time management method of touching each piece of paper only once. He is a bit too literal.
Phil visits Dilbert for wishing bad karma upon his coworkers.
The CEO told the media they have a better product coming soon, so sales dropped to zero. Then 95% of staff resigned because the CEO announced plans to fire 50% of them.
Catbert complains the CEO told the media they have a better product coming soon, so sales dropped to zero. Then 95% of staff resigned because the CEO announced plans to fire 50% of them.
Dilbert discovered a process that makes people buy things they don't need. He wants to destroy all his lab notes to rid the world of this process.
Catbert says the Egyptian Pharaohs killed their engineers who built the pyramids so they would never share their secrets. Dilbert says no, they didn't.
Asok asks if the company will ever have a career path from intern into anything else? Catbert says they would just have to find another intern.
The CEO announces they are launching a new artificial meat product, and the manufacturing plant is now fully automated by robots.
The CEO says they can only succeed if they work harder than their competitors. Then he has to run to get a massage on his super yacht.
Ted retired yesterday and dropped dead this morning. Catbert congratulates the Boss for working Ted to death.
The Boss says they will mourn the untimely passing of their beloved colleague Ted.
The Boss asks Carol to organise a memorial for Ted. Cake and balloons in the break room should be tasteful enough.
The CEO decides to hire a co-CEO to share his job, even though it doesn't mean getting paid the same while doing half the work.
The CEO doesn't get along with his co-CEO, so asks Dogbert to be a third co-CEO as a tiebreaker.
Dilbert didn't meet any of his goals for the year. Dilbert blames it on the Boss for not keeping up with the evolving industry.
Dogbert offers to split duties with his co-CEO. Dogbert will attend boring meetings and the co-CEO will do publicity stunts.
Dilbert tells Dogbert that the co-CEO died while kite surfing some rapids.
Dogbert offers Wally ten percent of his income if Wally does Dogbert's job. Then Wally offers the same deal to Asok.
Catbert tells Dogbert the board has approved a $100 million golden parachute if he quits now.
The CEO got rehired and looks for people who celebrated his firing.
Dilbert is not sure how to respond to an RFP because their products don't do what the RFP specifies. Should he give up or lie about features.
Wally asks to work from home on "bring your kid to work" day. The Boss doesn't trust Wally.
Dilberts says they had the winning bid for the project. But they don't make the product, nor can they make it for the price that was bid.
Dilbert says he will launch the beta version in two months. Everyone at the meeting laughs.
The Boss asks Dilbert if he will meet the launch deadline. Dilbert says no because there were unexpected problems.
Dilbert asks the Boss if he has a plan for if the business plan fails. The Boss says only losers plan for failures.
Dilbert wants to tell a coworker how he should have engineered the project instead of whatever was done.
Alice is relaxed after her vacation. How soon before the relaxation will last?
Dilbert doesn't want the Boss's feedback on performance. Dilbert doesn't want to have the Boss belittle him about things he doesn't understand.