Dilbert did everything listed in the Boss's email about things successful people do. But Dilbert is still not successful. Dilbert says it was a waste of time.
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The Boss praises Dilbert's performance but can't give him a raise because Dilbert used job performance enhancing drugs.
Wally banishes Dilbert's performance enhancing drugs, returning Dilbert to normal.
The Robot says humans will only need to do creative jobs in the future, if the engineers work hard.
The robot cuts off Topper's head when Topper tries to out-do the robot.
Dilbert complains to the Boss his job is like being buried alive in a burlap bag full of starving rats.
Alan, a marketing guy says his job is to spray perfume on skunks. Dilbert says his job is to resist killing Alan.
Alan brings his son to "Bring your kid to the cesspool day," to show them how horrible it is to work there.
The company announced huge losses but the stock went up because analysts thought it would be worse. Wally uses the same strategy on his performance review.
Dilbert says "we don't know what we don't know." A co-worker claims he invented that saying.
Winning at anything boosts your testosterone. The Boss asks one of the engineers to clean the mould out of the fridge.
Abusive management has reduced Dilbert's testosterone levels. Alice attacks him for that.
The Boss gives Dilbert some dark chocolate because studies show it makes you think better. Dilbert is surprised the Boss is actually making sense.
The Boss tells Catbert he feels much better because he just ate three pounds of chocolate.
Alice tells Dilbert optimists die younger, and optimism makes him look ignorant.
Dogbert the consultant recommends a company-wide transformation to make them more competitive, which will ensure Dogbert is well paid.
Dilbert resists change, the Boss says. Dilbert says he only resists terrible ideas.
Jeff has to prove everyone wrong. It's like a reflex action and can't stop himself.
A marketing guy wants Wally to sign a non-disclosure statement. Wally says it's not required because no one believes what he says anyway.
Dilbert was beaten up by strangers for wearing the company's new glasses product with a camera.
Two men threaten Dilbert because he's wearing glasses with a camera. Dilbert responds by shooting flames out of the glasses.
The Boss asks Dilbert to change his recommendation to the opposite of what he wrote and send it for approval. Dilbert doesn't think it's worth it.
Wally says success depends on who you know. He only knows losers like Dilbert so is suffering for that.
The Boss asks an interviewee what he does in his spare time. The candidate says he visits orphanages and gives back rubs to babies.
The Boss's management style has created a black hole. It absorbs important emails from employees.
The company officers came up with a new company slogan: Shtop spitting ahn me when you talk!
Wally plans to improve his life by also listening to podcasts while drinking coffee and surfing.
Wally tells Catbert he has a work-related injury and needs a year off with pay. His buttocks hurt from too much sitting.
Dilbert phones tech support and explains he is a trained engineer who has already tried reinstalling software and rebooting several times.
Dilbert didn't do anything productive this month, the Boss says. Dilbert said he did mandatory training that has no use, attended mandatory meetings and filled in paperwork.