The Boss gets the robot to mentor the new hire because all the engineers are dysfunctional.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
The Jeff Bezos rule of meetings says meetings shouldn't be so large you can't feed everyone with two pizzas.
The Boss learns willpower is finite. So he asks Dilbert to use it all for work and have a cake for lunch.
An overweight Dilbert tells the Boss he's saving all his willpower for work. However, his condition means a twenty year reduction in life expectancy.
Dilbert loses sixty pounds in a day by watching the Insanity workout video.
Dilbert introduces a new employee to Alice. Alice is angry when she's stressed out and she's always stressed out.
Dogbert says India has made it illegal to be gay. Asok is now officially gay.
Asok can't return to India because it is illegal to be gay there.
Dilbert asks Alice how to set up temporary credentials in their web services. Alice makes fun of him for not knowing already.
Dilbert asks for more responsibility. The Boss says that's not a good time because he has finished Dilbert's annual review and it says the opposite.
The Boss asks the engineers what they would do if a shadowy figure offers to buy company secrets. The engineers want to know how much he is offering.
The CEO asks Dilbert and Wally if they want to see some leadership. Then he tells them all he will do, although doesn't actually do any of it.
Leadership is setting vague goals with a combination of jargon and wishful thinking. The Boss can then dump work on engineers without them saying it doesn't fit within their goals.
Alice requests a workshop on how to deal with difficult coworkers. She knows others will use tactics against her and wants to know how to thwart those tactics.
Dogbert shows how to deal with difficult coworkers. Always kill jerks in ways that are untraceable.
The Boss helps Dilbert add pictures to his presentation, an eagle to capture the status of his project and a pie chart to show the technology strategy.
The Boss gets up at 4 AM because successful people do. He then takes a power nap in the hallway.
The Boss is trying to get by on five hours of sleep per night. Carol says that lowers functional intelligence.
Dilbert says cryonics will allow him to preserve his brain until the point where he can live forever in a robot body. He doesn't want to, though.
Dilbert wants to make sure he does not live forever in a robot body. So he asks Dogbert to make sure he's dead before that happens.
Wally's secret to a rewarding work-life balance. He has no life so keeps it balanced by doing no work.
The Boss shows up to the office in disguise, pretending to be a new employee. Alice is discussing ways to kill the Boss.
Dilbert asks the presentation attendees if there are objections to his plan. One employee says there is a non-zero chance of problems so it shouldn't be done. The employee realises he is an idiot.
The Boss appears in the office in disguise. He talks with Carol who says she put spider eggs in her Boss's coffee.
The CEO sets a goal to ship a million units this quarter. Dilbert asks if there are goals involving making their customers happy.
The Boss asks Ted to give a speech to ten thousand people at a conference. Ted gets stressed.
Dilbert accomplished all the goals the Boss set for him. But he didn't accomplish any secret goals.
Wally's goals for the year were to drink lots of coffee and disrespect authority.