Dilbert requests his own office since studies show cubicles lower intelligence. The Boss say Dilbert can't be sure that's true because cubicles lower intelligence.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
The Boss considers changing from cubicles to an open floor plan. Dilbert wonders if that's because an open floor plan is the only thing worse than what they have now.
The Boss tells an interview candidate it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at anything. The candidate has only reached the level of an incompetent menace.
Catbert conducts an employee survey. He asks Dilbert if he feels valued and treated with respect. Dilbert compares his situation to a paper towel cleaning something gross of a shoe.
Carol asks Wally if he has tested the new 3D printer yet. Wally ignores her.
The Ugly Truth tells the CEO the company is sliding toward irrelevance.
The Ugly Truth tells the Boss his employees hate him and hope he gets run over by a clown car.
Dilbert shows off a new filter that can turn raw sewage into drinking water in a few seconds. The CEO tests it by taking a drink.
Dilbert tells Dogbert about how the CEO drank a glass of untreated sewage.
The Boss puts Ted on a ninety-day performance improvement plan. Ted is pleased but the Boss says it's not as good as it sounds.
The Boss spouts motivational sayings to get his team inspired, and wonders why they aren't.
Ted brags he is on a ninety-day performance improvement plan. He believes it to be valuable service for the team.
The Boss believes a good leader has a positive attitude and spreads it so he brags he lives like a sultan while Dilbert slaved in his cubicle.
Dilbert wears an anti-co-worker suit, with blinders, noise-cancelling headphones and padding so he can't feel taps on his shoulders.
The CEO says the new strategy is to be nimble. Dilbert asks if that is the same as having no strategy.
A co-worker says he is tired so Wally throws a cup of hot coffee in his face.
On an investor call, the CEO says margins are so low from their products they make their money from selling extended warranties.
The Boss asks Dilbert's help in getting rid of a body from his house. Dilbert designs a catapult to send the body into a neighbour's pool.
Dogbert tells the CEO the company needs more "gotcha" fees, like the airlines. For example, if a product has a terrible battery life, sell a recharger way over cost.
The Boss says persistence is the key to success. The other key is knowing when to quit.
The Boss stops by to do some coaching. Dilbert asks how does that work when he is more capable than the coach in every way.
The Boss sees himself as a leader more than a manager. Catbert responds that's what all the bad managers say.
The Boss tells Dilbert he sent Dilbert's question up the chain of command all the way to the CEO. The answer is they need to shine the Braille toad.
The Boss asks for a status on Dilbert's project, the one that has no management support, ambiguous goals, lack of budget and an overworked team.
The Boss announces all screensavers will be standardised to show the company logo. He also announces a contest to look for the most useless corporate rule to eliminate. Wally nominates the screensaver rule.
Asok reports to the Boss he has finished the busywork he was assigned. Asok is still cheerful, although he doesn't know why.
The CEO announces the company will go into the smartphone business. How hard can it be?
Dilbert's compensation will be based on achieving a list of goals. Dilbert says that's permission to ignore everything else for the whole year.
The Boss wants Dilbert to do something but it's not on his priority list he got an hour ago.
The Boss asks Dilbert to get consensus on his idea. Dilbert wants the Boss to show leadership instead.