The Boss practices in front of Dogbert how to imbue staff with a sense of urgency
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Dilbert laments the fact he can't think of any new idea for an app.
Dilbert meets the cash cow. The cow starts making cash in front of him.
Wally schedules his meetings 10 minutes apart -- then cancels them when people show up a few minutes late.
Dogbert offers free software. It constantly nags for upgrades, then nags again.
Studies say happiness depends on comparing your life to others. So the Boss shows Dilbert pictures of people who were attacked by bears.
Wally proposes a deal to the Boss. The Boss assigns him no work, and Wally will not sue with a bogus employee claim.
Tina asks Wally if he wants to go to lunch. Wally says no, he is digisexual now. That means he only likes technology and is no longer attracted to people.
The Boss asks an employee to work from home two days per week. He says he would rather not as his wife and children are mean to him.
Carol sent out a schedule with lots of updates, and corrections and changes from others. Dilbert is confused.
Dogbert recommends the company adopt a strategy called backwards causation, where the company imitates successful competitors. Then, the company can feel as if they have a strategy.
The Boss announces they're consolidating their marketing into a shared services model. It gives the illusion they have a strategy.
The Boss introduces Brendan and Brandon, consultants to help with branding. Alice can't stand how ridiculous it is.
The Boss says he likes to promote from within, but that may make the company less capable than their competitors.
Dilbert tells the CEO there is no correlation between the company's predicted and actual outcomes.
The Boss says the stock market is up, and wonders if he should get in. Dilbert recommends waiting and seeing if it goes up more.
The Boss asks Wally for a status on the quantum computer prototype he's building. Wally says it exists in a simultaneous state of being totally successful and also not started.
A co-worker edits Dilbert's document. Dilbert thinks the edits are bad and wants to insult the co-worker's intelligence.
Tina and Alice criticise Dilbert's looks.
The Boss asks Dilbert to break into a competitor's network and blame the Elbonians, and then asks to bribe a blogger to write good things about the company. Dilbert refuses.
The Boss asks Dilbert to bury some top secret proprietary documents in the woods. The body-shaped bundle starts talking.
The Boss asks for comments on the project plan. Dilbert says the tasks are removed from the big picture and no longer have meaning.
A lawyer worries about the company's apps stealing contact information from users' address books. The Boss says they upload the data but don't store it.
The CEO announces the new brand name "Herthlokel". Tina asks if he thought of that while in a dentist's chair.
Dilbert asks Barry what he learned from vendors. Barry didn't actually call any vendors so instead uses his imagination.
Alice has a guide dog because she texts while she walks.
Wally interviews a service monkey then hires him.
Wally's service monkey attends a meeting with Wally and says he'll field questions directed at Wally.
Dilbert's therapist does nothing except complain.
The Boss read a book about how to be a great leader but is dismayed to realise he doesn't do any of those things. So the book must have mistakes.