Wally relates the latest bad news to a co-worker who doesn't listen to news.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
The CEO wants to start fracking under their competitor's headquarters. The plan is to pollute their water and generate earthquakes.
Wally says his contributions can't be measured by the number of hours he works. He also has a great idea.
Dilbert shows off the latest robot prototype, and gives it a shove to demonstrate its balance. The robot thinks Dilbert is being a jerk.
A salesman approaches Dilbert to pretend to be helpful. Dilbert pretends to listen.
The lawyer says Dilbert shouldn't listen to product ideas from strangers. They could be insane lawsuit monkeys.
The Boss asks Dilbert to talk with Allen. Dilbert says he'll need an exit strategy as Allen is a serial talker.
The Boss asks Wally to manage the Elbonian contract programmers. He'll need to work nights because of the time difference.
Dilbert gets two good prospects from an online dating site. One is addicted to Facebook and the other to pain relievers.
Dilbert's date says she likes men who are confident in any situation.
The Boss asks a co-worker if she received the e-mail he texted her.
A co-worker notices all engineers are squirming when he talks and wonders if they were ordered to.
Dilbert ponders the possibility there are many universes and wonders if there's a version of himself who loves his job.
The CEO cancels all new product development and will use the capital for a stock buy-back.
Carol gets a bad case of piranha flu. She sneezes out piranhas.
Productivity is low because of an eight-year-old boy named Traylor. He brings home all viruses and germs and gives them to his mom.
The Boss says the company opposes the new internet law because it would be bad for business.
Dilbert, with a plant on his head says he's being creative, as women prefer creative types for short-term relationships.
Wally asks Dilbert if he feels the need to make conversation. Dilbert doesn't mind standing next to Wally.
Dilbert says his phone is like a time machine. He plays with the phone to fast-forward through the boring bits of his life.
The Boss doesn't understand the technology plan so won't sign off on it. Dilbert says he wouldn't understand any tech plan.
Dilbert recommends plan B to the Boss, since his research on the Internet shows that. The Boss rolls his eyes.
Since his old nemesis retired, Dilbert asks a co-worker to be his new nemesis.
Dilbert tells Wally and Asok he has a new nemesis, since his old one retired.
Dilbert says it's time to upgrade the rest of their servers. A co-worker says there's no need to upgrade the servers that were upgraded last week.
A competitor buys ten million copies of our company's software, in order to give it away and entice purchases of their own software.
Wally fantasizes about running a start-up to escape the mental prison of his job.
Wally demands a raise, or else he'll get married and have children. That would increase benefit expenses and distract him from work.
Dilbert tells Tina her page layout is ugly. She says it's not her fault. She works in an ugly cubicle surrounded by ugly people.
Carol notices a problem in the company's bereavement policy. If she feeds her husband unhealthy food and he dies, she'll get three days off.
Dilbert shows his mom an app he will sell. She says she's seen many like it already, some of which are free.